Self Discovery and its Continuous Role in My Life

 

My life has taught me that self-discovery is an ongoing process. Self discovery milestones that I experienced in my twenties laid the foundation for the self discovery milestones I experienced in my thirties. Each self discovery moment enables the next.

Drawing from the Well is not the final chapter of Ruth Wilma Shults' life; I would hope that additional self discovery experiences will be added to my list. Therefore, longevity would be a factor in self discovery. Perseverance and tenacity would also be factors in self discovery. This was evident in dealing with unresolved issues with my dad, as described in Divine Intervention Miracles. Getting him to state that he loved me was no easy task.

At this point in my self discovery journey, the two major lessons I needed to learn were:

• 1) How to improve my interaction with men
• 2) How to appropriately deal with health issues (especially      where traditional medical doctors were concerned.)

My mother's mistrust in men stemmed from my grandmothers experience with my grandfather; mother passed this mistrust on to me. My grandfather was twenty-two and Lutheran, and grandmother was sixteen and Catholic when they married. My grandfather had no intention of converting to Catholicism. My grandfather received a special dispensation from the local priest, monsignor, and bishop: They would permit the marriage IF my grandfather agreed to let my grandmother continue in her Catholic faith and also allow their children to be baptized Catholic. He agreed to the dispensation. However, he broke his pledge and personally carried his three children to the Lutheran pastor for their baptisms. This broke my grandmother's heart. The bishop was furious. He told grandmother that none of her daughters would survive and that they would never be interred in consecrated ground. According to grandfather's story, the bishop proclaimed from his pulpit, "Busing gets no business." Because of this edict, my grandfather was forced by religious and economic reasons to immigrate to America with his family. My grandmother's first two girls died at an early age and her third and fourth daughters became very ill. Thank God, both girls survived. My mother was my grandmother's third girl.

When I was twenty I was attacked by the man I had been dating for several months. He tried to rape me but did not succeed. ( This story is described in How to Unleash the Power of Prayer. Years later, through self discovery, I realized how evil could creep into a serene setting when I let my guard down. This was my first direct experience of mistrusting a man.
Many years later, in 1987, I bought my first house totally on my own.  It was a 3,000 square foot house in North Redondo Beach, California. The floor plan enabled me to rent a very large area at the basement  level off the garage. Self discovery pointed out that it took me twenty-two years before I felt secure enough to buy a house on my own. What I didn't realize until then, that the house my second husband and  I bought shortly after we married was accomplished by cashing my TRW  stock, something I could have done on my own. In my case,  self discovery was a two-sided coin; it not only highlighted my  strengths (that I bought this house on my own), but it also showed that  I did not need a man in my life to purchase and maintain a house; but  first I had to believe in myself. 
My issues regarding the medical profession were two fold. First, I had to come to terms with male authority.  Second, I had to come to terms with the prestige of the profession itself. Even though mother was generally more skeptical about doctors -- her motto was, "Don't tell them too much, because they will make too much  out of it" -- I accepted their diagnosis; after all they had a degree  in medicine. My self discovery came after I studied alternative  approaches to healing such as the power of prayer. Only then  was I able to challenge their diagnosis. 
Case in point: There was an incident in where I fainted, hit my head on a  counter, went into a seizure, and lost consciousness. My  primary-care doctor was baffled, as was I. He referred me to  a neurological surgeon, who scheduled me for an EEG. When the  neurologist reviewed the results, he said I had an epileptic seizure.  Before I could digest this news, he said that by law he should take  away my drivers license. This was like a one-two punch to the  midsection. The neurologist offered no empathy, only the facts. He did; however, schedule me for another test. 
I was devastated. I was single and needed a car to survive in Los  Angeles. I cried as I drove back to my office at TRW. Through my tears,  I told myself I had a whole week to worry about this. Then, as if a  light went on in my head, I reworded my statement by saying "No, I had  a whole week to pray about this." When I went back for the test, I visualized God' presence as the technician affixed each of the  electrodes on to my scalp. (The results of the second EEG were negative  but he would not change his original diagnosis.)  Although I knew in my heart I was not an epileptic, I was terrified not  to take the Phenobarbital and Dilantin. I started having adverse reactions due to the meds. My doctor did not want to change the neurological surgeon' diagnosis,  but he did advise me to reduce the dosage. A year later, after studying and  developing stronger convictions about my condition, I went off the  medication. I have never had another incident -- thank God!  As a result of my experience with medical misdiagnosis, I began to adhere to the philosophy of not buying into a doctor's initial diagnosis a hundred percent. I always get a second if not third opinion. A second opinion could offer a different perception such as  non-traditional medicine. Hitting my head caused the seizure but this act alone did not mean I was an epileptic.  Another example: A year ago I had to fire my dentist. I broke the crown of a molar in  the very back of my mouth and went to my dentist to have it fixed. The  dentist told me what he would do and before I scheduled an appointment  I talked to a young lady who explained that the procedure would cost me  $1,000.00 over and above my insurance. I was shocked and said, "Well  then just pull it". It was in the back, no one would see its absence  and the missing tooth would not interfere with my eating. The dentist  returned and explained it was against "his ethics to pull a tooth that  could be saved". All well and good but I was not going to pay $1,000.00  for something that had such little consequence in my life. Since he  would not change his position I found another dentist.

Self discovery is a beautiful and empowering experience. Recognizing and capitalizing on my milestones of self discovery has allowed me to take control of my life.

 

 

A spiritual and inspirational guide. Drawing From The Well by Ruth Shults

Moonlight Over The Canal. A Memoir
by Ruth Shults.